You can all thank Buck. Team Review/Season Wrap Up
TEAM REVIEW: Vaporeon something something
SUMMARY:
Idk I got mega griefed, who in their right mind would pick me for fucking mid? Only Vuvu. And yeah he pinned some fake news screenshot about me telling him I played mid and to pick me, but like, why would you believe that? I was clearly fucking with him. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, we finished dead last. We also had like, 6(?) byes. Bye during scrim week. Bye cuz we sucked. Then RD2L was inexplicably off for Canadian Thanksgiving AND Halloween. Alright I guess that’s only 4, but it felt like a lot more.
TOTH:
I kinda popped off ngl. Check the games morons. Next time I see a hahaha toth mid comment I’m choosing violence. And teams literally banned Wind/Lina first phase EVERY FUCKING SERIES. God that tilts me, y’all should be ashamed. Also I solo killed yfu Lina with Pudge in our last game, which definitely makes up for any hypothetical shitty play I may or may not have had.
YOP:
Yeah Yop’s a god-gamer. I don’t want to hear any slander from the likes of Eli again. ‘Vuvu picked a pos 1 with a sub 50% winrate hahaha!!’ He literally has a 53% winrate you fucking ape. Yop couldn’t carry us to playoffs, but I’m not sure anyone could. Shit was heavy. Mega-PMA, didn’t hear a single moment of tilt the entire season. Really excelled at carries that want to run you over early. Ursa, Riki, CK etc.. Isn’t as good at carries that want to farm for 30 minutes. Probably needs to be more vocal both in-game and in-draft; we were relying on my calls while Vuvu cackled in the background because he knew I was leading us straight to the feed-grinder. Should be more willing to full send Riki, I don’t think he had a bad game on it all season. He was ok with first-phasing it towards the end, but I don’t know if he was more comfortable with it, or if he was just tired of me harassing him about it at the start of every draft.
SMASHE:
I don’t think we picked Smashe the right heroes all season (thanks Vuvu), and it probably hurt his performance some games. When he got his mega-toxic bullshit offlaners like Necro/Jakiro/Viper AND it was the right game for them he owned. Super PMA, he didn’t even get mad when I bitched at him for taking ‘my’ farm (yeah I’m toxic, don’t bid on me next season). He was also super weirdly excited for every series. I thought we all hated RD2L? What is this positivity? Similar to Yop, could stand to be more vocal. I kid you not, in the first part of the season our comms were LITERALLY only me and vuvu having inane ADHD fueled convos. Smashe is a great button presser, and has a hero ocean. But… he hasn’t fully adjusted from the pub mentality to the mentality you need for RD2L. If he can do that, league fucked.
VUVU:
Fucking Vuvu. If you were gonna grief-pick me, the least you could do was play DOTA. I think Vuvu played 10 pubs all season. All 10 were across 2 Saturdays duo queueing with me. We didn’t win a single game. Vuvu is just a weird player. Like his goal is to feed so hard, to dive so deep, to be so dumb it’s almost smart… that the enemy forgets his cores exist. Sometimes it’s a hair short of walking it down mid. Other times he has 4 heroes chasing him from fountain to fountain. Earlier on in the season (when he was actually playing) you could see glimpses of how and why Vuvu got Immortal. He was making plays, ganking mid, calling good shots… You might not believe this, but we played 3 scrims before officials started and went 4–2. We even dumpstered Skater’s Monday team. But then he decided to go to a concert. And then he convinced Tree to standin. Tree asked for Bounty and Treant. I’m pretty convinced Modest Mouse ruined our season. At least he’s fun to play with.
SPIRITED:
Everyone should feel bad for Spirited, lmao. He was in perfect position to get picked by Doof. And he would have been. Except.. Doof kinda forgot I was in the channel. Seeing as how I didn’t know any of the players remaining, I decided to fuck over Doof/Ping (a guy’s entitled to a little vengeance, ok?) and told Vuvu to pick him lol. I was honestly doing him a favor, Doof/Ping stacks are cursed. Who knows, he could have been Pneuma’ed (RIP). Spirited was a great button clicker for the most part, and he was solid with vision. Not much more you can ask for from the last pick pos 5. He could probably work on teamfight positioning, he had a tendency to die before casting spells sometimes. He could also work on his fucking dogshit Fantasy Lit opinions.
CONCLUSION:
You get what you fucking deserve. Pick me mid? Miss playoffs. Let that be a lesson to future captains considering putting me off-role. What’s weird is that it was a pretty fun season. Maybe we were losing so much that the wins felt extra special? Idk. I’m just gonna take the easy way out and blame Vuvu.
SEASON WRAP UP: Wonder how I did
PRE-SEASON PREDICTIONS:
Predicted rank (distance from actual)
Maybe not that bad
CRAP (-11)
Yfu (-7)
tzsyu (+2)
Mantis (+2)
Could be worse
Ripley (0)
PearBerr (+2)
Simple (+1)
Sambo (+1)
Pass the copium
Joetatoe (+6)
Burra (-5)
Chance (-1)
Tree (-1)
Cev (+5)
What were you thinking? Was there a plan here?
Ratman (-2)
Ping (+3)
extempest (+2)
I’m literally lost for words:
Vuvu (0)
Pretty good. Predicted was an average of 3 spots off the actual. And tbh its so bad cuz of CRAP and Yfu who literally anyone would have predicted as the top two. @doomcow? Who’s best Sage now?
AWARDS:
MVP: BigBoiAnus/Tzsyu
Best players on best team, pretty self-explanatory. Can’t pick between them because I haven’t followed other teams this season at all lol.
Best Carry: BigBoiAnus
Idk lol, maybe Hobo? fuck it idc
Best Mid: Toth
?
Actual Best Mid: Yfu
Died solo to toth pudge tho don’t forget
Best Offlane: Frostbite (Hachiko)
Like i said, haven’t followed this season at all. They probably benefited from Joetatoe’s must-bans, but Frostbite popped tf off every game I saw.
Best Support: Zoompa? Deadprez ?
Someone’s gonna have to help me out on this one. Sure as shit wasn’t Vuvu/Tree. I also heard deadprez maybe washed? Can’t remember where. I would give it to Burra but she decided to steal Tx’s mid halfway through the season. Which is fucking cringe. Pretty sure Ratman was mid most of the season. I actually don’t know who to put here, someone help
Best Hard Support: Citrus King?
Did OneDay play hard support? I have no fucking clue. Great content right?
PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS:
Quarter-Finals:
tzsyu vs. yfu: 0–2
yfu is a different beast in the playoffs, as tzsyu discovers to his dismay. The Yolk/Zombies role switch contributes to an upset of the top regular season team.
pearberr vs. CRAP: 2–1
CRAP’s reign as a PST finalist ends. The House of Cards tumbles down. Not even Treebeard’s rigging can save him, this time. Somewhere beneath the rubble, a champion in agony. ‘Ozzz..’ is the faint whimper.
Mantis vs. Sambo: 2–1
The gamers of Mantis all manage to be not only present, but sober for once. They cruise to an easy win.
Jotatoe vs. Simple: 2–0
Simple may have adopted the cheese, but Jotatoe was born in it. The onslaught of spam over-encumbers Simple. Reggie asks for offlane Shaman. Doomcow all-chats ‘why ban PL? I’m not even good at it.’
Semi-Finals:
yfu vs. pearberr: 1–2
Pearberr’s dynamic tri-core is too much a burden for yfu. One man can only bear so much. Eli immediately departs for PST general afterwards, to generously inform yfu how he errored.
Mantis vs. Jotatoe: 0–2
The gamers of Mantis get really high, the benefits of sobriety long forgotten. One of them is absent for the series, oblivious to the high stakes. Jotatoe sails to victory.
Finals:
pearberr vs. Jotatoe: 1–2
The Doomtatoe duo repeats as PST Victors, proving the power of spam once and for all. Come inter-divs, they lose in embarrassing fashion to an EST-Sunday powerhouse.
CONCLUSION:
I’m sorry Buck, not my best work.
